Let’s Talk Living Your 30s Correctly, According to Idiots

Updated: Jan 27

I found this on a *blog* giving a listicle of what 30-somethings should accomplish by that so called milestone-age (IMO, achieving the big centenarian 100 is the milestone age, everything else is amateur play):


“Also having a serious relationship oftentimes leads to marriage which is a huge blessing! Take some time to figure yourself out and start thinking about REAL relationships, not those one-night stands.”


Insert: *LMAO*




I can’t. A serious relationship oftentimes leads to marriage? Says who? What’s wrong with one-night stands in your 30s? Your 30s is about challenging the status-quo, not conforming to some societal bullshit the baby boomers set for us. And who says marriage is a blessing? The majority (to say all is rude) of married couples I know pretty much despise each other. I’ll take going to bed with my vibrator than going to sleep next to a snoring man with a receding hairline I’m despising more and more each passing year.


“Live within your means.”


#whoops


“Go to church.”


There are so many dated, ignorant, ridiculous messages conveyed in this three word sentence. First of all, what if you are Jewish like me, and cry at the sight of Jesus pinned with that cloth fabric wrapped around his waist and groin against a cross? Second of all, what if you are atheist, agnostic, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, or maybe even Pagean, and you just DON’T go to church?


“Move out and live on your own.”


Ha. Ha. Sadly, this was written on August of 2021… Clearly the author never heard of this thing called COVID which caused countless of either newly unemployed millennials or millennials who didn’t want to live in the covid epicenters to pack their belongings from their beloved apartments and move in with new roommates, Mom and Dad.


This person probably doesn’t even have a valid passport anyway.


“Be interesting: have hobbies.”


Sorry, you want me to work, sleep eat, live “within my means,” and then still have time and money to cultivate habits such as photography or needlework? F*ck off. Seriously.


I’m in my 30s, but the only thing I’ve figured out is that egg whites are a better breakfast option than blueberry pancakes if I don’t want to outgrow my clothes. Still working on that debt to income ratio and what not, will keep you posted if I hit the lottery and those numbers change.


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